I WANT TO DIE, aged 11.

So my best friend got the whole dorm to sign a note against me (which is super mean actually), but the best part was that I locked myself in the bathroom and wrote a fucking POEM about her. And it's fucking beautiful.

This poem is called "To A Friend?" (look at that sarcastic question mark, burn).

"Everytime you make me cry,
Another time, I stoop and die,
I'm lost without you, I don't even try,
To be a someone, in hell I lie.
But then you make me smile,
And even for a while,
Life is worth living,
My friend-love (yes, I wrote 'friend-love') is worth giving,
But only for a while,
And then you make me cry,
Another time I die,
And the pain is too much for me,
Oh yeah another time I die.
Crying like my heart could break,
I've made the very worst mistake,
I've put my trust into a friend,
But now, it's all gotta end."

And then in big letters at the bottom I wrote I WANT TO DIE, backwards. Deep, man.

I will not have it if you try to break a secret...

My most secret of secrets, aged six:

'The Magician's Nephew by C S Lewis is so funny I can't explain'

'I like to play on my own'

'Jelly at my school is not at all wobbly'

'Bears are friendly I mean very friendly'

'I like ladybirds as if they were my pets'

'Sophie Oulton is a fusspot'

'I have got a really funny song. It is this: I am a girl and maybe a boy I will not have it if you try to break a secret so you must give me £2 £5 wonderful'

'I think Sophie's pictures are silly'

'Sophie's pictures are very very stupid'

'Daddy is lovely' crossed out and changed to 'Horrid daddy'